To Be Broken
I worry that I will never play the same way as I did that last game. I feel that every tackle I make will end badly. I fear that I do not have what it takes to be in the starting line up. I do not know what it will be like to kick the ball again. I am anxious to see if I have the stamina for left midfield. I hope my moves will come easily again. Thirteen months ago, I went to soccer like I did every Tuesday and Thursday night. We were practicing shooting. Landing on our kicking foot to be exact. Like the pros do. Within an instant, I twisted a way I was not made to twist, and landed a way I was not made to land. My world came crashing down. Walking boot. Cruches. Surgery. Eleven months rehab. I’ve been through it all. I have the marks under my armpits from the constant rubbing of the rubber on the crutches and the two scars on my ankle to show my story. I know what it feels to be broken. Now, I have to prove what it takes to be who I used to be. A soccer player.
Uncategorized | Comments (2)San Francisco
You would think since it is only an hour away by plane,
San Francisco would be a lot like Los Angeles. Same city feel, same smells, same sounds. But, within the first steps of leaving the airport, the cold air hit me like a ball just hit by a baseball bat. Finally, it felt like fall. I inhaled deeply, only smelling the fresh cool air around me. No more intoxicating smoky airs needed to be inhaled that encircle Los Angeles. Within moments, my uncle, aunt, and three cousins pull up, honking the horn of their Land Rover and flashing their lights. Through and through, they are just like me, same personality, same likes and differences. Tierney, Meghan, and Brendan, push themselves to the left side of the car so my brother and I can squeeze in. We are a huge, noisy, fun pack of people who, for the next two days, will be inseparable and will be cruising the hills of San Francisco. Family is a funny thing. Sometimes they can be the most annoying people who you don’t want to spend one minute of your time with, but sometimes being with family is like the whole world is right and nothing is ever going to change.
Breakdown (pasted twice–sorry)
Do you ever have a day where you want to scream? To punch your fists into the nearest pillow and rip your hair out? A day that is so long and unbearable and everyone is on your last nerve? I had that day. Today. A day that never quits, a day like a little fly constantly buzzing in your ear. A day I didn’t want to talk or listen. A day I just wanted to blare angry music into my small ears, close my eyes, and never wake up. Sometimes it is hard to imagine getting through the stressful week of work, essays, and quizzes. With volleyball passes never going where you want them to go and serves not making it to the right area of the court. I want a day where friends stopped being fake and really say how they feel without all the drama. I wish I was three years old again, able to throw a crazy tantrum and not be considered a madman. I wish today I could have stayed in bed all day. Watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy and listening to music. A shades drawn day; not allowing any bit of light to enter. But today I got up. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe not.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Breakdown
Do you ever have a day where you want to scream? To punch your fists into the nearest pillow and rip your hair out? A day that is so long and unbearable and everyone is on your last nerve? I had that day. Today. A day that never quits, a day like a little fly constantly buzzing in your ear. A day I didn’t want to talk or listen. A day I just wanted to blare angry music into my small ears, close my eyes, and never wake up. Sometimes it is hard to imagine getting through the stressful week of work, essays, and quizzes. With volleyball passes never going where you want them to go and serves not making it to the right area of the court. I want a day where friends stopped being fake and really say how they feel without all the drama. I wish I was three years old again, able to throw a crazy tantrum and not be considered a madman. I wish today I could have stayed in bed all day. Watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy and listening to music. A shades drawn day; not allowing any bit of light to enter. But today I got up. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe not.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)October 20th (first blog of quarter 2)
At 8:39 a.m., he creeps into my room, not able to hold in his excitement that it is he is finally a teenager. “It’s my BIRTHDAY!” he whispers into my ear, as I roll over and glare at him for waking me up. “I know,” I say, peeling open my eyes. Even though I am upset he has woken me from sleeping, I see the way his beaming eyes cannot wait to find out what I got him as a present and decide not to get mad. I am not surprised to hear my brother tell me that right now until my birthday in December we are one year apart, since he is 13 and I am 14, as he tells me every year. I could say that he is wrong, that we are still one year and ten months apart like we always are, but he is just so happy to be a little bit older, and I could never take that away from him. After giving me one last kiss on the cheek, he turns away and walks out my door, awaiting the minutes to pass until my Mom and Dad wake up and he can tell them the already apparent news.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)My Bed
It waits for me while I am at school
Held up by its four posts
White like newly painted picket fences
Plush and cozy
The mattress sinks underneath the weight of my body
As I crawl into bed
Worn out light lime covers
Surround me like barriers of a castle
Soft as cotton
The fresh smell of Tide still clinging to them from the washer
Warm like brownies just taken out oven
Small flowers dance across the comforter
Yellows, teals, and greens mingle from top to bottom
The corners tucked neatly underneath the mattress
Lying underneath the blankets
I feel comforted and warm
Like a bear
I hibernate in my den for the next eight hours
Resting on my feathery pillow
Enclosed with a lime pillow case
I let my mind unwind
From all the stress of tests and quizzes
And enter the trance of a dream
I finally relax.
Too quickly,
My alarm is blaring that it is 6:25 a.m.
Time to rise from the depths of my sacred spot.
I reluctantly release myself from the strong grasp of my sheets
To get up to start my day
Counting the hours until I can return
To my sanctuary.
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Chicken and a Mixed Green Salad
After two tests, multiple quizzes, and a long volleyball practice, it is 5:30. Time to go home. I walk like a pack mule with four bags strapped across me, over to my small yellow bus labeled 128. I walk five rows back to my seat, two behind the exit row. I bend over to relinquish myself from my bags and I fall into the charcoal gray seat in front of me. I lie there, motionless, until the bus starts to grumble. I sit up, and dial my home number I know by heart. Talking to my mom, she informs me we are having chicken for dinner, accompanied by a mixed green salad. This is usual Tuesday night dinner. From the bottom of my bag, I grab my iPod, and put the small white headphones into my ears. John Legend’s soothing voice floods into me as I slowly fall asleep. I dream of being in my own bed, sinking in to the soft mattress dress with light green sheets. Suddenly, my bus creeps to a halt, and I know we are at my stop. I load myself with each of my bags and wobble down the steps, saying goodbye to my bus driver on the way out the ajar door. I see my mom’s car parked at the bottom of Mandeville, waiting for my arrival. Getting into the red Volvo slowly, I imagine the warm chicken and salad waiting for me at my seat at the table.
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Age Six Racer
Boom ba boom, boo-boom da boom
The music starts loud in my ears
Rat ta tat tat rat a tat a tat tat
The drums progress in the background
Bing bing bong bing bing bo-ah-ong
The guitar strums out its chords
Chris Carrabba’s voice slowly trinkles into focus
“So long, sweet Summer
I stumbled upon you
And gratefully
Basked in your rays
So long, sweet Summer
I fallen into you
Now you gracefully fallen away…”
Dahsboard confessional’s music creeps within me
Filling my veins, hear,t and mind
Soothing me from all life’s worries
I completely relax
When I can listen.
I breath in and out
And all I can think of is this voice
And the guitar
And the girl he was writing this too.
I wonder what her name was
And then the words sing on
“Hey, thanks
Thanks for that summer
It’s cool where you’re going
I hope that your heart
Is always one
I gave you the best
I gave you the best I have
Cashed on the letters
And crashed on the best
That I have…”
And then our yellow bus creeps to a hault
My iPod goes off
And I have to face reality
Of tests and work
And heavy backpacks
Leaving my few peaceful minutes
Of serenity.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)